gender reassigned

my blog just got wiped out! and now, i'm retyping it all - again. and perhaps it happend for a reason - for me to tame my thoughts on the above.

i just met my friend for over 10 years and whom i've not met for the past 2 years. valid reason; he was out-stationed. so, we caught up last saturday over beers and exchanged the usual stuff, "how's work, how's life, what are your plans... and of course - whom are you seeing right now..." if work had numbed and kept me void of emotions the entire week, this one last thing we spoke off that night made me feel human again; with emotions.

jon shared that he is discovering the other side to him - that he is developing a liking towards his own gender. i have strictly nothing against same gender species; gays, lesbians or homosexuals. it's their life, live it, love whomever they want. i'm not here to judge or pass opinions. period.

but i guess it feels different when it comes from someone whom you've always thought as the boy-next-door or the 'perfect' guy to bring home and show off to that made me feel sad. i still can't get over it and if you want, i guess you could say i've double standards. i can accept someone who's already gay when i know them, have gay friends... but i guess i just haven't soaked in what jon shared.

just the other day, one of my gf's was considering a sex change. well, i guess given her reasons seemed logical - being easily accepted at work, by society, by her gf's parents (being able to officially marry her), etc... well, transgender, if allowed in this part of the globe would definitely make things easier! wouldn't it? but it's not just the issue of transgender.

my question is - what is lesbianism all about then? i've asked some of my friends who are lesbians and a similar echo resounds,"falling in love with a gal for they know how to treat and love, all in the name of sensitivity..." and most agree that if their (butch) partners decided to become a man, that knife may just severe their relationship, too. but of course, a couple of them were happy if that option be taken. it means being able to be accepted by society (legally married), buying that apartment, etc...

i do not think asia has come to accept it 'wholly' but they are more tolerant of it now. or is it because our gay friends do not explicitly show their affections openly? only at "happy" pubs, late night pink outings where the mainstream do not see; and that is why i think we're growing to be more tolerant?

my next question of gender 'betrayal'; no longer being loyal. does this then give birth to a new definition of lesbianism? or does it kill the root of it all?

my personal take at the end of the day: live your life the way you want to; love the way you want to - regardless of gender. at the end of it all, problems are to be resolved between both parties. in any gendered relationships, do we not all go thru sets of challenges?

a curved road is never as easy as one that is straight. is it? to all my friends who are as open or as closed; taking that route which promises (more often than not - 'no' future) naught but yet with courageous hearts that continue to love - i am for you.

i'm too young, they say... to be promoted

I cannot fathom how one's age can play such significant role and a deciding factor where I work. *sigh* then again, it IS a conservative 'organisation' after all.

"You're too young but that does not mean we are not eyeing you." So, am I supposed to stay on and wait for years to pass me by? 4 years passed and now I'm of age. Haha. So funny. This is like some match-made partnership. Similar.

After a mentorship program, some projects dunked into, and a major one to expect in 2007, we'll see. Yes, I am excited. Excited for challenges, changes, weightier responsibilities (not that I am not getting it any lighter now) just not too keen to know what their package is gonna be. Why? They are not any competitive in the industry; worse yet - they're in the bottom three. So why stay on? Because your 'market rate' goes up only when you leave. Haha (again)

This place is really conservative. Seriously. We are all students back in either an all gals school or an all boys school filled with strict disciplinarians. Alright, I'm staying because I enjoy what I do. There is passion. Passion keeps me going. Passion keeps me alive. Passion feeds my soul.

today i am weary,
today i am bleary-eyed.
today i am much too fiery,
today i am satisfied.

yesterday was a long nite,
yesterday i slept at 6 in the morn!
yesterday flowed through till lite,
yesterday i was gone and today am born (again).

boy am i tired,
gal am i proud to be,
boy is the cute next door,
gal with the ponytail i wear rite now.

enough for now, to study i must.
i've been delaying and procrastinating,
and lazying too much.

Where is Privacy?

simply put, i hate peeping toms.

ok, it's not what you imagined it to be - my friends and i out in some back alley or dark street and some orgy going on. we were out having some chilled beers when jim scared the shit out of us, "Ok, I'm not trying to frighten you guys. But there's this peeping tom about to climb onto some bloke's car bonnet!"

the next thing we knew, jim whipped out his sony mobile and switched on whatever pathetic light could stream out of it! I mean this guy was going head-on with this tom! of course, P Tom fled! well, the rest of us just were too stunned by jim's quick reflexes and by the time we joined him - hell, that Tom was no where in sight.

man! could you believe it? give these people privacy, ok? they've already covered their windscreens with papers, shades. blatant truth of nite: stay off! and don't peek in!

it was such a sick nite. honestly, we were somewhat frightened, too.. gals being gals. who wouldn't? right?

i just couldn't believe the audacity Tom had; unbelievable. if you saw that shadow about to climb onto a car's bonnet. holy cow! i wouldn't know what to do. scream? we were impressed with jim. so, now when i look at my sony cellular - i see it in different light. and it had better come with a brighter light, my friend. for safety's sake.